Thoughts on a New Year

You don't realize it.
It seems to come out of nowhere.
You don't feel ready.
You have to rush.
Ironing, cooking, mailing cards, calling family.
It's the same every year.

Once again, I feel totally unprepared for Rosh HaShanah (literally the "head of the year"- the begining of the new Jewish year) which starts on Monday night. Despite my active participation on the Kesher High Holy Day committee and planning a Rosh HaShanah song session, I still feel unprepared.

In some ways I feel as if I should feel more prepared since I live in Jerusalem, a city in which it's impossible to ignore the Jewish calander. For the last 30 days I've heard the sound of the shofar every morning. I've sung psalm 27 every time I've been at shul. I attended two selichot services. And I've made one "experimental" apple cake that got rave reviews from my friends. I sent Rosh HaShanah cards, picked out my outfits for the various services at meals I'll be attending and am looking forward to the three days off from school.

And yet, I don't feel "ready" to start a new year- I know that this new year will bring many challenges as I continue my first year of Rabbinical School, finish my year-in-Israel, move to New York, find a summer job, find a year-long job and re-adjust back into my life in the states. Next year at this time, I'll be preparing to lead HHD services, I'll be someone's student Rabbi and I'll have to help others feel ready for the most awe-some days of the Jewish year, knowing that I too don't feel ready.

On Thursday night over the aformentioned applecake, Rachel mentioned that she felt that HUC hadn't done a good enough job of preparing us for these days- that the month of Elul should have included more spiritual preparation. And I will tend to agree with her- where else should pre-Rosh HaShanah prepparation be greater and more complete than a Rabbinic Seminary?

I'm not sure there's more that can be done at this point except to bake the applecakes, get my living room ready for my guest and just go. Start the new year without over thinking it too much.

To my family and friends and readers all over the country, may you have a happy, healthy and wonderful year full of all the good things you want! L'Shanah Tovah U'Mitukah!